**INSIDE MY MIND**
Summary: Spike has to reach Buffy
Timeline: Season 6, after Once More With Feeling, but no kissing between Buffy and Spike yet
Genre: Drama, Romance
Warnings: A bit of biting
Disclaimer: Sadly they are not mine, but Joss and Co own them. I just play with them, just for fun, no profit made.
Beta: petzipellepingo , thanks for your help :)
AN: This is dedicated to framedinlove, you make me smile. Kiitos Anni :)
(And I made the banner myself, not too good, but it´ll do)
Spike kicked the door to his crypt open, and carried Buffy in. He placed her on his bed and went to close the door.
His mind was racing hundred miles per hour or faster. What should he do? What could he do? He knew there wasn´t a lot of time left, since Buffys heartbeat was erratic and slowing. There wasn´t time to get help, he was on his own.
He checked Buffys injuries, and found almost nothing. Only thing visible were the bump in her head, and a cut on her arm. Neither one should be life threatening to the Slayer. And Spike knew deep down, that this wasn´t about physical injuries. He had seen her give up. Just as he was running towards Buffy and the demon, he saw Buffy just stop fighting. She just stood there, and let the demon hit her on her head, and slash her with its tail, before it saw Spike coming and took of.
Spike knew how hard everything had been to Buffy after Willow brought her back. He had seen how the most vibrant being on earth was now depressed and had no want to live.
And he couldn´t even reason with her when she was unconscious. How would he reach her? And if he couldn´t, he knew she would die soon. She had just given up on life altogether.
But he couldn´t let her die! Things would work out if she just would be alive, somehow.
Spike was beginning to get desperate. He tried talking to her again, but she didn´t even stir.
Then an idea came to him. It was wrong, it didn´t guarantee results, and if Buffy would wake up, it would earn him a dusting. But it was the only thing he could think of that would let him inside her mind. If he claimed her, the bond would let him do that. And if it would bring her back, he didn´t care if she would stake him right after.
He moved in the bed next to her, and opened her blouse a bit. He kissed the skin above her heart, whispered "I´m sorry, love", and letting his fangs out bit down.
He didn´t even stop to savor the taste, as he gulped down two mouthfuls of her blood, bit his own tongue, and pressed it on the wound to mingle their blood. He looked at her face when he said "Mine", and licked the wound closed.
In his mind he could feel part of the link clicking in place. It wasn´t a full bond, but it should give him his chance. Laying down next to Buffy, he closed his eyes, took her hand in his, and started to focus.
Everything was so dark. He could feel Buffy on the edge of his senses, but didn´t find her. He started to call her name, search her in the dark. And when he found her, first thing he felt was joy, feeling of no worries, light started to seep in, and finally he saw her. Or he saw her as she was long before. She was on a swing, laughing, a lollipop on her hand. He had to smile, she looked so adorable. This must have been before she was called, in LA. Before the monsters entered her world, before the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Spike felt sorry for her, had she ever been this happy after she became a Slayer?
And so the feeling changed. He watched like a movie how Buffys life went on. He saw Angel turning to Angelus, saw the enormous pain she felt when she sent him to hell. Saw apocalypses come and go, saw her mothers death, saw Glory, her worry for Dawn, her jump. And then peace. Just light and rest and happiness. At last he saw her digging her way out of her grave, and the sadness and despair that filled her after that. And then she was there, sitting, hugging her knees, empty look in her eyes. Spike reach for her, touched her hand, and she lifted her eyes to him.
"Hi love, I came looking for you."
"Someone needed to. You were slipping away."
"I am. Spike, I can´t do this anymore. I can´t go on."
"I know you feel that way. I had to reach deep to find you. I saw you giving up with that demon. Were you hoping to die there?"
"I don´t know. Maybe. I just looked it and thought, they just keep coming. I can´t stop them all. And I want to get peace again. So I stopped. You said it, I gave up. I´m so tired. So lonely."
"You don´t have to be, love. I feel your pain. I feel you. I will be with you. I wanna be your strength when you have none. If you let me."
"How could you feel me? Nobody does."
"Believe me, I do. I´m right here with you aren´t I? You know I love you, have loved for a long time. I know you, better than you think. I see how lonely you let yourself be, you don´t want anybody else to worry, and instead you try to worry it all yourself. You carry all the weight alone, you let yourself be alone cause you´re afraid to let anybody in."
"If I let anyone in, they get hurt, or...run away. They all run away."
"Who? The ones you love? No, you´ve had bad luck, especially with men, but that doesn´t mean you have to be alone."
"They leave. Or die. My friends stay, but they will make their own families, and then I´m again all alone."
"Buffy, look at me. Listen to me. I love you. I will never leave. I can fight with you. I can be with you as long as you let me. There isn´t anything more precious or important in the world to me than you. I´m strong, I can help you carry the weight you have on your shoulders. You will never again feel alone. Please, let me do that. Let me be there for you. Please."
Buffy lifted her head a bit to look straight into Spikes eyes. She had insisted that his love for her wasn´t real, but hearing his words, seeing the look in his eyes made her realise he did love her. That couldn´t be denied. But could she let him in? Should she? What if he was right, what if she didn´t need to be alone?
Spike was so insistent in all his actions, he didn´t give up, didn´t give up on her. He somehow came to find her, understood her, and offered something no-one had ever offered before; a lifetime partner, loving, strong, protective and understanding. An equal. How could she turn that down? Not realising it yet, she had begun to believe again.
Spike got up, and offered his hand to Buffy, who slowly took it. Spike pulled her to him, and asked,
"Are you coming back with me?"
"Yes Spike, I´m coming with you. Just don´t let me go."
"I never will."
Spike began to concentrate on waking up, and slowly he did. Buffys eyes were still closed, but Spike could see that she was starting to stir.
Now the only problem was the claim. What would she say to that? But Spike refused to think that, only thing important was that she would come back.
Next minute Buffys eyes fluttered open, and they searched for Spike.
"Hi, love. Welcome back."
"Thanks. How long was I out of it?"
"I´m not sure, 20 minutes before I came looking for you, and then...I don´t know."
And then it came,
"Spike, how did you end up in my mind?"
"You see, there was nothing else I could do, you were about to die, and I had to reach you, and..."
"Just tell me what you did, I won´t be mad at you."
"You will be. I...I claimed you."
"Huh? Don´t you need me to be like.. awake when you do that?"
"Well, yes, if you want a full bond both parties need to take blood, mingle it with their own, and say mine and yours. But a partial bond can be made by just biting and saying mine."
Buffys hand went to her neck, and when she found nothing, she asked,
Spike took her hand and pressed it to her heart.
"Here. I thought you didn´t want anymore bites on your neck."
And there he went again, Buffy thought, thinking her, what she would like. He really wasn´t like all others.
"What does this mean? Will you be reading my mind all the time or...?"
"I probably could. But I wouldn´t do it. I won`t. This was just because I couldn´t reach you otherwise."
"Spike, I believe you. But I am bonded to you, right?"
"Well, yeah. But if you don´t want me around, I won´t push you. I promise. Nothing has to change."
"But I do think it does. Come here."
Spike scooted closer to her until she was almost sitting on his lap. Buffy raised her hand to glide it along his face, just lightly caressing.
"Spike. I will hold you to what you promised me when we were...there. I need someone. Someone who can understand the burden I carry, and can help ease it. Someone who will never leave me, and that´s why I do this."
And before Spike realised, she had dipped her head, licked his neck twice, and bitten deep. She bit her own tongue and let the blood mingle before swallowing a mouthful. Then she raised her gaze to totally stunned Spike.
"You are mine, aren´t you?"
"Yes Buffy, yours. Yours forever."
There you go, I hope it made someone smile :)
My second fic, still SO much to learn. But I´m happy I´m doing it in the first place :)