sier96: (this sucks)
Why oh why do I never learn... *sigh*
I should by now know not to read certain kinds of news or articles or books. There are a few things that trigger either depression or anxiety for me, and usually I manage to stay away from them. To most people they wouldn't seem like a big deal at all, but my mind works weirdly.

Anyway, all I did, was read an article on a magazine. It was about a family, just the usual stuff, but they had lost a baby, who had only lived for ten days. That's all there was to the story, and yet it sent me into hugely angsty state. I started thinking of the miscarriage I had between my two kids. That was bad, but then my mind jumped to the idea of losing my son or daughter. I was picturing myself hearing that one of them had died and all. I started crying and it took me a good while to calm down.

*sigh*

My mind just does these weird leaps and takes me to places where I don't want to go. I really should try to stay away from that kind of articles etc. Thing is, I don't always know what there is when I start to read, and when I realize it, it's too late. This is probably very ridiculous to most, and actually for me too. I just wish this wouldn't happen...
sier96: (Default)
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I actually told my brother in law that I wanted to kill him, seriously. He did a very stupid, but not really dangerous thing, that involved Saara, and I just saw red. I pounded him (weakly) with my fists and yelled how I hated him and that I could kill him.

It ruined my relationship with him and my sister for a short time. I did apologize as did he, and we got over it. I´m not sure what he thinks of me now, but I have dealt with my hatred and I love him as much as I did before. It was just one event, and it doesn´t affect us anymore I think.

My kids are the center of my universe, and if anyone dares to do something to them or even talk of them the wrong way, I become this lion who will defend them in any way needed :)
sier96: (Default)
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The most I regret the way I got together with my husband. I don´t regret that we GOT togeher, but the way it happened was wrong. But then, I was 17 when we started hanging together, and just turned 19 when we got married. And people tend to do stupid things in their teens, at least I did.
But that´s in the past and I can´t change what happened. Just got to live with it. And in these 15 years we´ve talked it trough so many times that now it´s just this fact that is there.
But yeah, that´s my biggest regret.

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sier96

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